Sex jokes

The Cruise Ship

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her that on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said:

“Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?”

“Yes, I know,” said the lady, “I need both hands to hold onto this hat.”

“But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!”


Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench. Ethel said, “You know, Mabel, I’ve been reading this “Sex and Marriage” book and all they talk about is “mutual orgasm.”
“Mutual orgasm” here and “mutual orgasm” there, that’s all they talk about. Tell me Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have “mutual orgasm?”

Mabel thought for a long while……

Finally, she shook her head and said, “No, I think we had State Farm.


Q: What’s the difference between a dog howling on the back porch, and a women howling on the front porch?
A: The dog shuts up when you let it in.

Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A: It’s not hard.

Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs


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